His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
