Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i can't believe i had my finger in that
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
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right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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