i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
