Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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