Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
it's like iHOP with fire
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
