it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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