I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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