Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
