life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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