He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
