hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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