I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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