We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
