Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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