saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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