you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
