i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
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I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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