Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
