Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
