All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
