i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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