I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You pole danced in your parka.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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