This girl is more easily done than said...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
