Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
