You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
