one might say we're banned from that church
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
