i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
