You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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