Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
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I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
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my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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