Only a mothe r could love this liver
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
