yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
