Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am spending my child support on dildos
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
