yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
