At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
