It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
