Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
