uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
