I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
