so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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