you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Ladies don't puke and tell
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
