thus making me awesome and them whores
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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