they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
