I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
