If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
