Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
