Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
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So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i think my cat just said my name.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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