Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
