You're completely useless in the revolution.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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