He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
