Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
ttyl tear gas
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
