We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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