What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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