just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
