but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i believe in u and ur pee
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