Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
