I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
