i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
