if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
