I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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