I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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