he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
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yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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