She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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