I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
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I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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