Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
