Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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