I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
