my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't deserve a penis
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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