Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
