My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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