We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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