why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
