So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
