i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
