Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
