so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
