I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Randomize
