your parents love me but you hate me
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
