You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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