i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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