you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
