hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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