Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
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