Betty ford says i'm here all night
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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