I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
