we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
