if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Blood and glitter go together right?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
